Sometimes the state of being in love triggers a whole swirl of emotions, not only good but also depressing ones. A bright burst of pleasant excitement, joy, anticipation and other alluring feelings has a chance to ignite the desire to hunt again and again for such an uplifting sensual experience, which can eventually become a problem - such a condition in some cases can be called a love addiction.
There is currently no such clinical diagnosis as 'love addiction'. The phrase, in a psychological context, rather refers to an extreme preoccupation with falling in love,
a fixation on the object of love which may lead to undesirable emotional consequences.
Signs of love addiction
Because love addiction is not an official clinical diagnosis, there are no criteria for it in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition). If you are experiencing the signs and symptoms described below, it may be that you have fallen into a love addiction that is difficult to diagnose and equally difficult to deal with.
1. Obsessive thoughts
It is normal for your mind to be fully occupied with thoughts and daydreaming about your object of adoration during the infatuation period or when you are going through the unforgettable experience of the first months of a relationship. Such a state is uplifting, gives motivation and meaning to many other topics and areas of life-it is not only emotionally satisfying, but also promotes your personal progression. However, if thinking about the person or the idea of a relationship with them/the idea of falling in love takes up so much of your time and mental energy that your sleep, work, studies and other areas of life suffer - there is probably cause for concern.
It's worth wondering: what is really going on with you?
2. Intentions and attempts to be with the person you love, even though it's impossible.
Or even better said: trying to stay with your "loved one" even though it is dangerous/toxic/harmful to you. If you are desperately trying to hold on to someone whose relationship is clearly toxic and unhealthy, or if you cannot be together for some other reason (distance, law, promises, another family), this can be bad for your psycho-emotional well-being later on. Sometimes it's important to take a pause and look from the outside to see what's going on.
If your relationship is obviously doomed: what should your next steps be?
3. Unbearable suffering during a separation
If you have to be apart from your partner for a while because of business/ training/ travel or any other reason, and you find yourself in a constant anguish and your level of suffering is off the charts, this could be an indication that you are in a loving relationship. A particularly alarming and dangerous signal will be your attempts to avoid a temporary separation at all costs, such as skipping work or school, canceling your personal affairs and appointments in order not to be separated from your loved one for even a moment.
4. The only source of pleasurable emotions is the loved one.
Feeling good feelings, joy and pleasure, particularly just from being close to your loved one, or from daydreaming about him or her, is another signal that should alert you to the fact that you may be falling in love.
Additional signs that should make you think seriously about your current state:
you are focused on your partner or other object of adoration as your primary raison d'être;
your hobbies or any other pursuits or pastimes that you once enjoyed and were interested in no longer appeal or provide a satisfying experience;
you suffer from feelings of hopelessness and meaninglessness if the object of your affection drifts away from you or becomes unavailable for some reason;
you wander from relationship to relationship as if you are trying to "win" love at any cost.
If you find yourself jumping from one relationship to another, not just out of fear of being alone, but because of an insatiable and overwhelming desire (an obsession) to feel wanted and loved, be aware that this too can indicate an unhealthy craving for romance.
Love addiction: the causes, signs and tips for dealing with it.
Why does a love addiction occur?
Love addiction, this is not exactly a "dependency" in the psychiatric sense, however, experts in mental health agrees that some patterns of behavior during a relationship or after separation from a partner, is very similar to the real addiction in this scenario. And this is understandable, because in this case, biochemical processes in the brain also play a significant role. It is legitimate that you may feel an irresistible urge to get back together with your former partner, or to make contact with the object of adoration in order to experience a real rush of pleasure, energy and sweet excitement again. The story described has a lot in common with the cravings experienced by people with substance use disorders.
Certain addictive or dependent chemicals, including alcohol, nicotine and drugs, release dopamine, a neurotransmitter chemical in the brain that makes us feel good and good. Findings and data from numerous studies suggest that love has a similar neurophysiological effect.
Dopamine essentially signals your brain: "It feels so good! Let's do it again!"
Love addiction has the potential to make you unable to focus on anything other than your object of adoration and the sweetest feelings you have for it, which can significantly degrade your quality of life, although you may not immediately notice it yourself. It is this disruption to your daily functioning that makes your behavior very similar to that of a real chemical dependency.
Breaking up with a loved one can also cause certain symptoms that are remarkably similar to withdrawal symptoms. These manifestations may include:
Disturbed sleep;
Situational depression;
Limited levels of anxiety and restlessness;
Mood swings, irritability, uncontrollable aggression.
Changes in appetite (complete/partial absence, unprecedented craving for food);
To learn more about how to survive a breakup and support yourself in such a difficult period of life, see this article: How to get over a breakup.
What are the psychological causes of love addiction?
An unhealthy fixation on a relationship or dependence on a loved one can also be one symptom of other disorders or psychological problems, such as
depression;
anxiety disorder;
low self-esteem and insecurity;
psychological trauma in the past.
The emergence of love addiction can often be linked to attachment problems. That is, such behavioral patterns are likely to develop as a result of experiences of how you were treated in the past, especially in early childhood - relationships with significant adult figures.
Childhood relationships tend to have a significant influence on the formation of patterns of behavior and attachment to others later in life. People often unconsciously make endless attempts to replay past scenarios and finally resolve problems with early attachment patterns in current relationships. This can lead to painful emotional experiences in current relationships that seem so "their own" and "familiar".
According to attachment theory, there are four basic types of attachment, and in their definition refer to the way you perceive and behave in relationships.
Anxious attachment, which is formed because of the lack of attention from caring significant adults, may often manifest itself as the following relationship problems
excessive craving for intimacy;
over-reliance on relationships;
frequent insecurity and anxiety in the relationship;
fear of abandonment and rejection.
These tendencies and their excessive development can resemble true "addiction", as a person with these types of attachment will fixate on the partner or relationship, only to "fall" into unbearable negative emotions.
Love addiction: causes, signs and tips on how to cope with it.
How to cope with love addiction?
Since one of the leading signs of an unhealthy fixation on a relationship or a loved one is persistent (to the point of obsession) thoughts about the object of love and the relationship, it makes perfect sense to start by finding something to shift your focus: let it be new or well-forgotten old interests, hobbies, any activities on which you can focus your energy.
It could be any activity that appeals to you and interests you, but if you have a choice, choose to focus on hobbies or activities that make you feel more confident as a person and have a positive impact on your self-esteem.
Be sure to add activities to your schedule that can stimulate the production of the same "happiness hormones" that boil intensely when you are bathed in love.
Let it be:
art/movies/music (listening or playing);;
interesting hobbies;
creativity;
sports or any other physical activity;
educational course;
massage or any other body therapy;
literature that makes you feel good;
going out with friends who are fun to be with.
It is also important to find the best and most effective ways and techniques for self-soothing for when anxiety levels rise.
Don't forget meditation, breathing exercises and keeping an emotion diary and self-monitoring.
Seek professional help
If you realise that your obsessive fixation on your loved one or relationship is having a detrimental effect on many areas of your life and you are unable to fulfil basic household chores, it's time to seek professional help from a psychotherapist.
How can psychotherapy help?
Working with a qualified professional can help you solve the following problems related to your situation:
finding the cause of your fixation on a relationship or person;
finding new ways of building relationships, experiencing and expressing love;
learning how to take care of yourself, practice loving and supporting yourself;
learning to understand your true needs and identifying healthy strategies to meet them;
practicing and reinforcing new behaviour;
practicing dealing with anxiety and fears;
improving self-esteem and confidence.
Conclusion
Even though love addiction is not considered a real addiction as defined by psychiatry, it is still a real problem for a person falling into it: the destructive consequences of such fixation on love are destructive not only for psychological and emotional well-being, but also for physical health and lifestyle in general.
Remember the main thing: if your preoccupation, anxiety and obsession with the object of love pose a real challenge to your health, ability to work or study peacefully, to maintain normal relationships with family and friends - you can find help. Seeing a mental health professional is a very significant and necessary step in your case.
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